here is the result of two weeks of thinking and worrying about the same thing:
sacrifices are hard to make.
especially when it comes to the things that we want so badly.
but when the sacrifice has to be made, how truly strong are we to face the feelings we will feel along with the sacrifice that will be made?
what would you do if you happen to meet someone who has made so much sacrifices, it breaks them?
it's as if their happiness are being sucked out from them and are being spread to the people they care about and they will absorb all the sadness from those people.
so if that happens, is the sacrifice really worth doing?
I happen to meet a lot of people who have sacrificed a lot.
meeting and having these people in my life makes me think a lot about myself and gives me so much mixed feelings;
sad that I can't make them happy,
disappointed with myself because comparing myself tot hem, I'm just really crappy as a person
and so many other overwhelming thoughts that I can't put into words.
and these people happen to be some of the people I truly treasure. let alone even the people closest to us, like our mums and dads, have sacrificed a lot for us.
I'd think to myself:
what can I do to make these people happy?
what can I do to repay the sacrifice that they made for me?
can't I do anything? am I really this pathetic?
if you have done as much as you can, it's enough. you're enough.
make sure that with the sacrifices they made for you, use it well. show them your gratitude by being happy in their sacrifice.
I believe that it's also a two way thing.
we shouldn't take advantage of it, and do as we please.
repay them. be kind to them. make sure that they are as happy as you are.
they've done this much for you.
so why not repay them by doing something big for them too?
something that will not just give temporary happiness, but eternally.
doa.
put them in your doa.
say their name in your doa.
with those doa of yours, without noticing, it's because of your doa that they are still able to go through a day well. they are still able to still smile and laugh. they are still able to live and help others. what they are doing is a part of your doa too. and this seemingly trivial thing means a lot to me, knowing that one doa can may give a tiny or a big effect but could mean so so much if noticed.
and at this moment I realize that a doa is so powerful. I could see it now.
let's move on to another point of view...
say, you've sacrificed a lot.
your feelings, your time, your desires, your emotions...
you're doing this with goodwill; to make the people you love happy.
ask yourself: are you tired? is it worth it? are you happy?
yes I understand, by sacrificing these things, you're thinking optimistically. you're probably thinking that something good will happen to you in the future, in return of what you're doing, you believe in Allah, The Most Merciful.
and I believe that to be a beautiful trait.
to do so much for others and believe that Allah will reward you. to think so optimistically like that.
it's a truly beautiful trait.
I believe that just by seeing those people who you've made sacrifices for happy, that thing is already making you happy. the sense of fulfillment and joy will come lingering in your heart just by witnessing that.
and I believe that if you genuinely feel like this, you are truly, truly amazing.
but what if the sacrifices you made is making you sad?
ask yourself what truly is your intention in doing all of this?
surely deep down, you must want to make others happy too. but are you overdoing it?
I believe that taking care of others' feelings and making them happy is a wonderful thing to do and it is so rare to find people like that nowadays. but remember your worth as well. you are just as important as the people you cherish so much. your happiness matters just as much as other people's happiness. so it is important that you take care of yourself too, just as much as how you are taking care of others. it is important to value and love yourself, just as much as you value and love others too.
people may make you happy, people may make you sad.
people can give you words of encouragements, motivation, reassurance.
but who is the one that is capable of changing our mindset? our feelings? our perspective?
only we, ourselves can do that.
only YOU can do that for YOURSELF.
making dua is a form of your effort in trying to change for the better as well.
with ALLAH's help, anything is possible, my friend.
never underestimate the power of Allah. never ever.
and never underestimate your own strength too.
even if you believe that you are weak,
deep inside,
I know,
you are strong.
so so strong.
never ever get tired of asking for His help.
doa, doa, doa
do so many doas it will leave you breathless, but in a good way.
because He is Al-Wahhab and Al-Razzaq.
surprises are always creeping on us in every corner and every nook of the paths of our lives.
no matter how deep we're going, in that dark fearful forest, on that bumpy road full of holes,
always,
always,
it will always wait for us.
but what happens if we're walking through a desert?
a wide empty desert.
will the surprises we anticipate so much wait for us too? if so, where will it hide?
living without obstacles, excitements or dilemma is a bore.
even though we want that so much when we're going through hardships.
and when we're living life, doing nothing; nothing to anticipate, just waiting for something but not sure what it is, sitting at home doing nothing, no obstacles and stuff,
we will feel empty.
don't you realize that the obstacles we go through, the excitements we face, both of it is what's going to mold us. define us. it is a process of finding ourselves. of finding the truth. of finding out what is right and what is wrong.
we cannot learn all of this simply by doing nothing.
we want to rest. we want to hibernate.
but we can only do that for a while. it will take only a matter of time until we will feel bored, empty, useless because we're not doing anything.
to you, who is reading this, you might have experienced this in a way.
for me,
waiting to get into college or university after spm results came out felt like being lost in a desert. not knowing what to do. not so sure on where to go next. it's like you're just following the sun in the heat. it's a pain. it becomes more of a pain when you can't get a part time job. it's like you sleep, not anticipating anything at all the next day and wake up feeling the same way like yesterday. you feel like a robot. it's a pain. a pain.
and for some people, feeling empty might result in being sad.
overthinking, overthinking, overthinking. who am I? what the hell am I doing here?
sometimes also thinking, what's happening out there?
sometimes you feel like you forgot what the clouds swaying between the clear blue sky looks like.
sometimes you feel like you forgot the scent of the air after it rains.
sometimes you feel like you forgot how the trees dance along with the wind.
sometimes you feel like you forgot what happy faces look like.
it's a pain. what a pain. it's such a pain.
but darling,
I can promise you this.
make the most of that time now.
find your inner peace. find yourself. find Allah. sharpen yourself so you can be ready for what's coming ahead of you. keep walking through that desert, dig that pile of sand, you might find something valuable, you might discover a treasure or water you're thirsting so much. gain knowledge. read good books. watch inspiring movies. watch documentaries. have constructive conversations with your parents, your siblings. discuss topics you've never talked about before. I'm sure, you'll find something useful. I can promise you this.
you might want to go out and see your friends, people who can make you laugh, people who can make you whole. I can promise you that there will be a time where you can meet them and when that time comes, cherish it. cherish it with your whole damn heart. you'll feel content for once. I can promise you this. hold on to it. hold on to it please.
life will may be monochrome to you afterwards but I can promise you, that you'll find the thrill you've been waiting for so long, the excitement that you're longing for will come to you soon. be ready for it because you'll crave for free time when it happens and you'll regret not spending your free time wisely. I know so.
and one day, you'll find yourself at the end of that desert. you'll find a stream of water, or probably a waterfall with tropical trees, who knows.
the thrill you've been seeking is finally here, right in front of your eyes.
and when that time comes, what I want you to tell yourself is:
"I'm ready."
